urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas thejewintexas thejewintexas 2005-11-21T07:43:30Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:4240 2005-11-21T07:43:30Z 2005-11-21T07:43:30Z My music from Harry Potter 5 If anyone knows how to get me in with Warner so I can take command of the circling-the-drain-in-actual-quality Harry Potter series, let me know. I need to rescue the movies before they butcher my favorite two books in the crowd. Please help me. I am desperate to save a potentially great film series. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:4001 2005-11-18T22:55:30Z 2005-11-18T22:55:30Z Stuff to PARTY to Tomorrow at 8:32am I will cease to be a teenager.<br /><br />Happy birthday to me! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:3793 2005-11-11T01:35:48Z 2005-11-11T01:35:48Z sounds like everyone's lives are going great...<br /><br /><br />i wish mine was. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:3333 2005-10-25T05:30:42Z 2005-10-25T05:30:42Z nothing. <img src="file://localhost/Users/Michael/Desktop/K2.jpg"> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:3114 2005-10-20T19:38:18Z 2005-10-20T19:38:18Z Joshua Radin and Death Cab for Cutie When did I stop maturing and start to go backwards? I thought for a long time today about my life, who I was when I left this place last semester, and who I am now, and I don't know what happened to all that I gained last year, because I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see a strong, compassionate, caring, mature young adult. I still see that little boy who can't keep himself out of trouble. It's a sobering feeling, knowing that you don't have any respect for yourself and who you've become. I guess I should just be thankful that I realized it now and not when I'm 50. <br /><br />This semester has been the world's craziest roller coaster ride. I've had incredible highs, and ridiculous lows. I met someone great who is now one of my best friends and probably the person I'm closest to here, but at the same time, I managed to alienate someone else I love very much. I love both of them, they are my family here and my entire life, and I want to make myself a better person because of them, but for some reason, I can't seem to do it, and I come off of every little mistake I make feeling worse and worse about myself. I just don't know when it happened, when I stopped being the person I was and retreated back to my old immaturity.<br /><br />You knwo what's even worse than REALIZING you hate yourself? Not knowing what to do to change it. I have my life planned out for me already. I'm committed to the Navy, I have to stay in the Corps, so my life is so busy I can't really stop and go on a soul-searching quest. I feel religiously drained, academically exhausted and my self-respect is at an all time low. It sounds like complaining, but it would only be complaining if it wasn't true, or I was exaggerating.<br /><br />I feel like I havent been connected to God in years. I read the prayers in the book and feel nothing. I feel like it is all a bunch of sucking up, and that you shouldn't need to thank your creator this way. But at the same time, I also feel like I shouldn't be thinking those kind of thoughts, because thinking it means that I am refusing the rituals that have kept Judaism alive for thousands of years. It's a horrible bind to be in, and when I can walk into Yom Kippur services and feel none of God's forgiveness or any atonement in my heart, no matter how hard I may try to reach that, it means all I can do is go home and wonder where my spirituality went. <br /><br />I decided to take 19 hours this semester, which was probably a mistake. It's an endless pile of reading and studying, of math quizzes and classes at odd hours of the day. By the end of the week, I am so drained of anything academic that my bookshelf may as well be infected with malaria, I stay so far away from it. It gets stressful, the strain starts to get to you, but all you can do is persevere. I'm going to be a shell of a person by the end of the semester, though. <br /><br />Yesterday I said something horrible to someone. It was shallow, insensitive, and it was probably the most sexist and offensive words that have ever come out of my mouth. I decided to hide my self-disgust from her, and to her credit, she played it off well, and I think I handled it relatively well too, but when I got back to my room, I just sat here and couldn't even look at myself, I was so disgusted. THAT is a depressing feeling, not being able to look at yourself in the mirror because you said something so awful it makes you hate yourself more the longer you think of it. I dont know when I was cursed with the ability to be that insensitive about anything. I wasn't like that. I used to care, and I was the "nice guy" that everyone wants to have around, not because he's hot or because he's really smart, but because he makes people happy. I can't remember the last time I was that guy. I haven't been that guy in a long time, and I miss that about myself. I liked those things about myself. <br /><br /><br /><br />I'm not depressed. I'm not mad, and I'm not lonely. On the surface, nothing's wrong. I still have friends, I'm doing all right in class, and I have a family that loves me. <br /><br />So why do I feel so lost and without identity? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:2523 2005-05-02T12:20:42Z 2005-05-02T12:20:42Z Gavin DeGraw - Chariot dropped with our heads this morning....i dont think i'm going to get a good night's sleep ever again...<br /><br /><br /><br />blah. i dont want to think about how this summer will be. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:1832 2005-04-28T17:23:31Z 2005-04-28T17:23:31Z OASIS OUT THE ASS, BABY!!! today we have the PNS inspection for our Navy detachment, and its also the first time we get to wear our WHITES out in the public eye...we've all worn them all day, and its SO MUCH BETTER than the Corps khakis, because 1. they're MUCH more comfortable, and 2. whites? effing hot? i think so...<br /><br />good long conversation on the roof last night. i'm not ready to share to the general public what went on, but we got a lot of ground covered. i think this will be the best thing that has happened in my life, but i dont want to get myself too excited in case something goes wrong...we shall see.<br /><br /><br />WHOOP FOR WHITES! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:1744 2005-04-27T20:41:59Z 2005-04-27T20:41:59Z almost done with fish year. my god i am ready for it. its been a long strange journey, my friends...and its ending in the most unexpected way...<br /><br /><br />for the record, i get really worried when people say they're thinking and i should leave them alone...i dont know why, but that really bothers me. probably because every time that has happened in the past, something awful has come out of it or i've been told something bad...its how ashley broke up with me, she spent a day telling me she needed to think and that i should leave her alone...i'm being stupid, but it still bothers me... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:1268 2005-04-25T12:50:21Z 2005-04-25T12:50:21Z what do you think Ben Folds<br />The Luckiest<br /><br />I don't get many things right the first time<br />In fact, I am told that a lot.<br />Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls<br />brought me here<br />And where was I before the day<br />that I first saw your lovely face?<br />Now I see it every day.<br /><br />And I know that I am the luckiest.<br /><br />What if I'd been born 50 years before you<br />In a house on a street where you lived<br />Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike<br />Would I know?<br />And in a white sea of eyes<br />I see one pair that I recognize<br /><br />And I know that I am the luckiest. <br /><br />I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.<br /><br />Next door, there's an old man who lived to his 90s<br />and one day passed away in his sleep<br />And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days <br />and passed away<br />I'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you<br />that i Know we belong.<br /><br />And I know that I am the luckiest.<br /><br /><br />I swear, the meaning of that song changes every time I listen to it. So many memories flood back with the sweet sounds of the piano. Memories of camp, of good time with good friends, of people lost in the years who I know I'll never see again, and new faces who now mean so much to me. I dont know if Ben Folds understands the work of musical and artistic genius he has created in this, the quintessential song about life. I feel like, when I listen to it, my soul is completely open and exposed for everyone to see, and that if anyone were to talk with me, they would be able to know every facet of my existence...<br /><br /><br />Maybe that's why I still cry when I listen to it. Every time. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:745 2004-08-28T02:56:54Z 2004-08-28T02:56:54Z Oh my goodness, I have a lot to update, so here we go.<br /><br />I arrived on campus on Sunday (nothing much else interesting happened on the road trip down) and started right off with Freshman Orientation Week, for the Corps of Cadets. It was a week of hardcore military training. When I passed through the doors of Dorm 7, I effectively ceased to be Michael Axel and became fish Axel, a freshman in the Corps, basically the lowest of the low. We learned a lot of things about the Corps, how it functions, and how fish fit into the whole picture. When I have a LOT more time, I'll update everyone on the whole picture, but right now, I have to go to an outfit meeting, so I'll see y'all later!<br /><br />I MISS EVERYONE A LOT A LOT!!!<br /><br />(and i'm still me inside, i'm not mr. military yet...) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thejewintexas:477 2004-08-19T03:42:47Z 2004-08-19T03:42:47Z John Mayer - Wheel So, this morning I left my home of Portland, Oregon for my new home in Texas. I'm trying to get myself out of the camp mode and into the college mode, but its hard considering I haven't slept much and I'm still not too happy about leaving my friends so suddenly. Today, we drove the entirety of I-84, which starts in Portland, and goes to Ogden, Utah. Tomorrow, the longest day, we drive from Utah to Raton, New Mexico by way of Cheyenne, Fort Collins (maybe we will stop and see Ashley!) and everything south of Denver. The next day, we do Texas. Jesus. <br /><br />My cough still hasn't gone away.<br />I want to see my friends.